Police Beat: June 11-17

Police Beat for the week of June 11th through the 17th:

On June 11 at 11:47 am, a witness reported seeing a transient trying to start a fire behind a store on SE 1st Avenue. Officers located the man, who was under the influence of intoxicants, and took him into custody for violating probation, and on a detainer out of Jefferson County.

Later that day, at 5:10 pm, a man was trespassed from a convenience store on SE 1st Avenue. Police say a beverage was spilled on both the customer and an employee during a, ahem, “disagreement over the cost of the item.”

Also that day, report of a wallet being found and turned into police. Hey, that’s great news! Hope whoever lost it learned their lesson.

On June 12, 8:36 am, report of a lost wallet. Welp.

Later that day, at 11 p.m., police encountered a man, um, “eating his dinner” at Canby Community Park on SW Berg Parkway, when the park was closed. The man was directed to leave.

On June 13, at 12 noon, report of theft after a business owner purchased gift cards at the direction of a person who claimed to be a representative of PayPal. Why would PayPal ask you to buy them gift cards? They have ALL THE MONEY. Having money is literally WHAT THEY DO.

On June 14, at 2:15 pm, officers were called to investigate a fight involving two minors. Guess there was a disagreement over something down at the coal mine. Get it? Minors, miners? I’m sorry, Francke wrote these jokes.

Later that day, at 4:52 pm, officers responded to a single vehicle crash on NE Territorial Road, with the driver reportedly slumped over inside. Emergency personnel were unable to wake the unconscious driver and were forced to break a window to gain access. Fortunately, I guess?, the driver wasn’t seriously hurt. Just drunk. They were transported to a medical facility and subsequently cited for DUII and Reckless Driving.

On June 15, at 7:53 pm, officers responded to a report of a disturbance on SE 2nd Avenue. A man reportedly punched another man for — I swear this is true — parking his vehicle too close. The suspect fled the scene.

Finally, on Jun 17, at 8:46 pm, officers responded to a report of a physical altercation between two men on South Ivy Street. Let’s hope they had a good reason this time. Nope, police said the disagreement was over “the placement of a bicycle on the bike rack of a Canby Area Transit bus.”

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